Party Up at the DMV

I took my oldest son, Jacob, to get his learner's permit this week. I drove him to a small town nearby so as to avoid the crazy 3-hour wait at our local DMV. On the way there, he was cool and confident...after all, it's only a written exam and he knows his stuff. I, on the other hand, was wound so tightly that my knees were trembling and my stomach was somersaulting all over the place. My first born is learning to drive. Egads! Where is that toasty little blonde-haired blue-eyed loaf of bread I baked in my oven? How is it that he weighs as much as I do and clears me by a solid 3 inches?

While we were at said small town DMV, I overheard...because I was eavesdropping...I do that sometimes because I'm nosy like that....anyway, I overheard the older DMV lady asking the young mom whom she was assisting when she was going to try for kiddo number 4. Number 4. As if asking a woman about her reproductive plans isn't rude enough, this old lady had to throw some crazy in the mix. The young mom chuckled uncomfortably and proceeded to tell this lady that she was recently divorced so that wasn't going to happen. Much to my surprise, the older lady laughed and explained to her that she didn't need to be married to have another baby because single people have children all the time. Seriously, old lady? She already has 3 kids. Why is that not enough for you? Do you even realize how much work and money go into raising 1 child let alone 3? As the mother of 4, I can't imagine going it alone. There are days when the laundry threatens to take over the entire house, the kitchen sink is piled high with thousands of cups (clearly we drink by buffet rules...clean cup each trip, please), and the kids are bouncing off the padded walls of my insane asylum. It's days like these you can find me huddled in some dark recess of my closet rocking back and forth chanting:

                                   Y'all gon' make me lose my mind up in here, up in here

                                   Y'all gon' make me go all out up in here, up in here

                                   Y'all gon' make me act a fool up in here, up in here

                                   Y'all gon' make me lose my cool up in here, up in here.

                      (Who knew rap artist DMX understood the plight of the stay home mom?) 

I guess it's a rite of passage for some old ladies. Forget that whole notion of wisdom coming with age. Some old ladies choose to spew the crazy and say whatever absurd ideas pop into their heads. Maybe I will be like that...it might actually be fun but I will spew responsibly.

After Jacob passed his exam, we drove back to town and headed over to the high school football stadium, a.k.a. the largest vacant parking lot that we could find. Jacob was anxious to get some drive time under his belt and I was, well, just anxious. So I parked the car and I went over the ins and outs, the bells and whistles and the various blind spots of The Big Pearl (my Ford Expedition). Then it was time to let the man child drive for the very first time ever. Suffice it to say, it turns out that big parking lot could stand to be bigger and really I think we could have done without all the parking lot light posts. Also, I wonder if his driving school instructor is a drinking man because I know after an hour of touring the various bends and turns in that empty parking lot, I would have traded my favorite Chuck Taylor's for a Valium. 

Jacob actually did a great job considering it was his first time out but my leg is still sore from slamming my imaginary passenger side brake.