Let It Go

So we survived the first week of school by the skin of our teeth. This was quite possibly the longest, busiest week ever in the history of weeks. No lie. School started on Monday and after George and I got all 3 boys to 3 different schools that start at 3 different times, he went on to work while Vivie and I spent the day trying to get caught up on laundry and cleaning...just so you know, with 6 people living in this house, I am never caught up on anything. I used to think of it as job security; however, I have now decided I should probably be fired. As a matter of fact, when the kids' have the friends over, I often tell them, "Please excuse the mess. I had to fire the cleaning lady because she was doing such a lousy a job and I can't seem to find a new one."

Between getting back into our school routine, taking Jacob to his predawn cross country workouts, attending various parent meetings, starting back to work at my part-time preschool teaching gig, hosting Meet the Teacher Night at said preschool, and still trying to stay on top of regular household duties, I dropped the big birthday party ball and found myself drowning in mom guilt. Mom guilt...quite possibly the worst form of guilt there is. Ugh.

Princess Vivie's birthday is next week and we have a long standing practice that our kiddos cannot invite friends to their birthday parties until they start kindergarten which will be next year for Vivie. Instead, we have a party with the family usually the weekend before the big day and then we also do a little something on the actual birthday. So this year, like every other 4-year old girl on the planet, Vivie has been wanting all things Frozen. She specifically asked for a chocolate cake with Frozen decorations for her family birthday bash. No big deal....of course we would do that for our Princess Vivie. Well, somehow some way, this weekend sneaked up on me and I realized yesterday that I still needed to order her cake. I had exactly 137 things that needed to get done yesterday so Vivie and I ventured out to tackle my never-ending To Do List while the boys were at school. It was a race against time to accomplish everything and I really had to pick and choose the things that just had to be done and somewhere in the organized chaos, I fell short and totally forgot about the cake...until yesterday evening.

Baking one was out of the question because any attempts for me to decorate a cake are usually quite disastrous. Been there done that and learned my lesson. So George and I made our way to Wal-Mart because it is the only store within a 5-mile radius of our home and the baker informed us that there was no way she could have a cake ready for us the next day and she didn't even have any pre-made generically decorated chocolate cakes that we could take to add Frozen decorations ourselves. So we drove several miles to Target where the bakery was closed for the night but we found a cute enough marble cake...that's kind of like chocolate...but there was no one there to write, "Happy Birthday Vivie." They did happen to have 6 and only 6 Frozen cupcakes...3 vanilla and 3 chocolate...which we grabbed. Well, originally we had been expecting 7 family members apart from our 6 for this shindig but due to some extenuating circumstances, all of my in-laws had to bow out at the last minute leaving our party down to 8 including ourselves. Even still, 6 cupcakes for 8 people was not going to work and it certainly wasn't the big deal birthday party I had wanted for Vivie.

Vivie, the 4th child. Ugh. My 3rd and 4th babies seem to always get a raw deal. It's all logistics. When it was just the 1st and 2nd, they were still so little and our world wasn't inundated with practices, meetings, and appointments. When it was just the 1st and 2nd, our budget wasn't stretched as thin and there was more time and money to invest in these life celebrations. I was younger and less harried. Somewhere along the way, I went from sending out real invitations in keeping with the theme of the party to messaging the invitations. So yes, I am aware that the 3rd and 4th aren't having exactly the same childhood as the 1st and 2nd, and yes, I know that the love is still there and that is all that truly matters but I also know that you moms of 3+ kiddos know what I am getting at with this guilt of all things not being equal. Top that with the fact that not only is Vivie the 4th kiddo, but she is also adopted and you have the key ingredients for this particular mom fail to weigh very heavily on my heart last night. I don't ever want her to think she got the short end of the stick...that she is not loved as completely and wholly as my boys...because truth be told, she along with the 1st, the 2nd, and the 3rd, are the very rhythm to which my heart beats. They are my prayers personified, and  the reward of the womb whether conceived in mine or not.

So there we were in the checkout line at Target, me on the verge of tears and George trying to talk me down from the ledge, when the cashier dropped the cupcakes on their side. Are you kidding me?! She laughed and said, "Oops," as she proceeded to bag them. Uh-oh. Poor girl...obviously not a mother and certainly unaware of my emotional state. I'm pretty sure I jerked my head in her direction and spurted blood from my eyes when I said in a demonic voice, "What do you mean 'Oops'? I am not paying for jacked up cupcakes!" I think I scared her. I know I scared George. I could see the horrified look on his face...the Oh Heck. Is This Going To Be Our White Trash Moment Right Here In Target? look on his face. We bought the cupcakes. You know what they say, 6 jacked up Frozen cupcakes in the hand are better than a cake in the bush.

Because all of the out of town guests had canceled (and let me just be clear) for important reasons. We decided to push the family bash back to dinner which gave me some time to find a cake to supplement the not so fabulous cupcakes. With a new game plan this morning, I went to a different Target and bought little Elsa and Anna figurines to serve as cake toppers. Then I  went to Kroger and found a pre-deocorated chocolate cake with white icing and blue designs on it. I literally jumped up and down when I saw it. I asked the lady in the bakery if she would write "Happy birthday, Vivie," on it and she said she could but she only had a few color choices for the icing. I made my peace with purple even though it did not match the cake at all but it is one of Vivie's favorite colors. Things were clearly looking up. While the alleged cake decorator was putting the final touches on the cake, I was doing pirouettes around the freshly baked bread. Yes! Yes! Yes! My baby girl was going to get her Frozen cake after all! The lady handed me the cake and it's like I heard the needle scratching across the vinyl abruptly ending the melody in my head. Maybe I should have asked for her decorating credentials. Maybe I should have done a tox screen, smelled her breath or at the very least asked to see a handwriting sample. All I can figure is that they let the deli girl cover the bakery today.

I was out of time and out of options. I decided that Vivie wouldn't notice how messy the writing was so I took the cake and added some Frozen flair.

My sweet girl enjoyed her party. She loved all of her gifts...well, she pretended to love the clothes because as she said the other day, "Anyone who loves me knows that clothes are not a real present." The best part is that we get to do a mini repeat next week on her actual birthday. I already have the cupcakes ordered. It's all good until next year...oh dear, don't let me forget to make reservations at Build-A-Bear.