I was gathering a load of dirty laundry to throw into the wash as is customary for me to do several times a day on any given day, when I discovered a crumpled shiny Pop Tart wrapper in the pocket of a pair of shorts. Having 4 children in the house, 3 who are increasingly becoming more and more mannish in size and appearance and 1 who is still my somewhat Tiny Princess Warrior, I find myself laughing in these moments when I know, without a shadow of a doubt, the culprit before I even have all the facts. Liam is the number 1 suspect when food wrappers are left in pockets, on the floor, on the counter, in the car, in his bed, under his bed, stuffed between the sofa cushions...you name the place, that boy has left his food wrappers there. What gets me is that sometimes the effort he takes to hide the food wrapper is greater than the effort it would have taken the boy to throw it in a trash can, but I digress. As I reached into the other pocket to empty it, I found yet another Pop Tart wrapper. This time my amusement turned to frustration as I realized that boy of mine had devoured at least 1/2 of the box of the Limited Edition Grape Flavored Pop Tarts in one day...probably consuming both packages within mere moments of each other, and most likely finishing off the entire box before calling it quits.
It's probably my fault as I'm sure his future therapist will tell him. I try to keep healthy food choices on hand all the time. Most days, there is somewhat fresh fruit in the fruit bowl...although today, the bananas and nectarines are looking a little past their prime. There are whole grain breakfast bars and crackers in the pantry and natural peanut butter and real fruit preserves in the fridge. Kale and quinoa make regular appearances on the menu as do spinach and broccoli...but yes, I also keep a small stash of junk food available. We always have chips, popcorn, and pretzels...and I wouldn't dare let us run out of chocolate milk because then what kind of monster...I mean mother would I be? On the other hand, things like Pop Tarts, novelty ice cream bars, and soda make less frequent appearances. Because of this, Liam has developed a Sneak and Destroy Method of snack consumption which he rounds out with the widely practiced Hide and Save-It-For-Later Method.
Just the other day, I found a lone frozen angus cheeseburger in the back of the freezer, past the frozen blueberries, behind the Costco packs of chicken breasts, further back than the icebergs and penguins, all the way back to the way way back where forgotten items are sure to die an unseemly death brought on by freezer burn. This cheeseburger had scarcely been in our freezer for a week and it was already hidden waiting for later consumption. I assumed this was Liam's doing as was the lone can of Dr. Pepper which had been strategically hidden behind the Costco pack of unsalted butter and chocolate milk boxes. As it turns out, I was wrong about the Dr. Pepper. Nathan, young sweet Nathan, it seems is learning the ways of the Junk Food Jedi, and while he hasn't taken on the same Sneak and Destroy Method of his predecessor, I see the Force is quite strong with this one. Liam did find Nathan's Dr. Pepper and yes, he drank it heartily right in front of him as he boasted about knowing all the hiding places. Nathan didn't show any signs of aggravation but I could see the wheels were turning in that clever mind of his. Liam may have met his match with this one because I know something that Liam does not. Nathan has formed an alliance with the Tiny Princess Warrior. Together, they may just change the climate of the Junk Food War. Time will only tell, and since all is fair in love and war, I have those kids convinced that my Healthy Choice Greek style frozen yogurt and my Skinny Cow fudge bars are for adults only. Little do they know, I am the Junk Food Jedi Master.
